5 Things To Think About

1) If you don’t believe in god and you put your hand on the bible and “swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me god” (or whatever the actual line is) then do you have to tell the truth? If we’re gonna stick with that routine shouldn’t the bible be replaced by the Constitution or something more concrete/factual?

2) While we’re at it - Are we still Pledging Allegiance under god? I think that needs to be updated once again. Let’s just pledge our allegiance to the flag and the country. No need to incorporate religion.

3) Don’t be the person to tell someone who just lost their loved one that “they are in a better place now.” I know you mean well but think about that for a second. I tend to have the opinion that the best place to be is alive and with your family but call me crazy.

4) Why is it so hard to believe we’re not the only planet with life on it? We live in outer space. We have UFO’s too only we call them Space Shuttles and give them catchy names. The Solar System is infinite (I guess. That’s for a future blog) and there are billions upon billions of stars. You think there’s only one sun and we’re the only planet that can have life on it? Think again.

5) If Perception is reality – and it most certainly is – than is there such thing as reality? Think about it.

A Society of Social Pricks

Everyone who knows me knows I’m a sucker for a good list. The following list is put together with the intent to enhance the social-etiquette of what is increasingly becoming a Society of Selfish Pricks…

1 – Don’t be the schmuck at the restaurant who waves down their server. I don’t care how long its been since they’ve been over to stroke your ego and check on your Chilean Sea Bass. Don’t do it. If you must signal the server give a head nod or a simple eyebrow signal. Keep your hands to yourself.

2 – If I’m going to hold the door for you and your wife than have the courtesy to hold it for me as I follow you in. And while we’re talking about doors – If you are leaving somewhere don’t just open the door and continue on as the door closes behind you. Hold onto the door long enough (which is about 1 second) to peak around your shoulder to make sure no one is following behind and thus gets up close and personal with a window pane.

3 – If you pass by a cop in the midst of a speed trap then do us all a favor and give us the ole’ flashing of the brights a couple times. Would it really kill ya’ to help out another driver?

4 – While we’re at it, thank me for letting you merge into traffic. Even if you don’t mean it. Just put your damn hand up so I can see it. This way I don’t think I just helped a jackass.

5 – This one’s a reach to the miserly ones out there but I’ll give it a shot. If you’re picking up food from a counter and there is a tip jar then throw your change in. The 47 cents isn’t going to do you any good so just throw it in the jar. If for no other reason it makes you look good, ironically a selfish move in and of itself but is allowed in this instance. I think my female readers may disagree with me on this one since they tend to hoard their change like monkey’s hoard mangos.

6 – Here’s another reach. In fact, I’m willing to bet I may be in the vast minority on this one. However, that doesn’t make me wrong. You’re at a gas station. It’s packed. There is one guy running around (ok fine, walking around) trying to get to each car and fill up your SUV gas guzzlers. Each driver thinks they deserve to be tended to first since we’re talking about Selfish Pricks in the first place. Do the guy a favor and attempt to pump your own gas. It’s the easiest thing in the world to do. If you get the sense the attendant doesn’t want you too then fine. Head back into the safety blanket that is your Range Rover. I’ve noticed for the most part they appreciate the help and simply give you the nonverbal “thanks”. I’ve also seen when they don’t want you anywhere near the pump as well. In this case, like I said, at least you tried to help. Maybe someone will have seen it and will “Pay it forward” as they say.

(Note: This weekend I pumped my own gas since the station was packed. I got a resounding, "thanks for your help. I appreciate it" from the attendant)

7 – You’re outside. Its either hot as hell or cold as hell. It’s about that time for the mailman to come on by. Do the person a favor and walk up to 'em and take the mail. Don’t make them have to walk up your driveway or lawn to your mailbox. It’s embarrassing really. Embarrassing for them because they know they're being stared at you while walking. Embarrassing for yourself since it’s almost like they’re your servant while you stand there all high and mighty. If you want to really impress me then offer them a cool drink or a warm drink (assuming you have a warm drink available. I don’t expect you to make them a hot chocolate) depending on the current weather condition. I’ll be honest in that I’ve never offered the drink but I do regret it every time the situation calls for it. You can bet I’ll make the offer before the summer ends.

8 – After you just came to the curb and aided the mailman do the neighborly thing and put the lid back on your neighbor’s garbage can. I’ll be honest with this one though. If the neighbor is a jackass then you don’t have to do it. But if you are on a communicative level with your neighbor than put the lid on their garbage can. Or stand it upright. Not only are you being a good person but if you prefer to think selfishly then look at it as enhancing the curb appeal of your neighborhood.

9 – While we’re talking neighbors. When you’re shoveling your sidewalk don’t just stop at the property’s edge or their driveway. All you have to do is go a foot or two in. It shows you aren’t so focused on helping yourself and you don’t mind doing the extra shoveling. If you’re feeling frisky you could even go more than a foot and make an even more noticeable gesture of physical assistance. The extra 5 minutes wont hurt and the hot chocolate will taste that much better when you go in.

10 – This one is for you all you office rats out there. Bring in bagels or some form of breakfast for no reason other than you’re a swell person. Your coworkers will love the gesture and quite frankly it’s a nice thing to do. You’re all part of a team whether you like the jackass in the cubicle next to you or not. And p.s. don’t be the first person buttering your bagel either. Wait til everyone’s had their fill and then dig in. Don’t forget the butter and cream cheese either.

A Lesson In Common Sense and Decency

Yet another contribution from one of my loyal readers.

Please welcome and please enjoy one of the better posts you will ever read. I could not agree with it more. Guest Blogger Matt D. gives us all A Lesson In Common Sense and Decency.

Picture this…

You’re parched. Perhaps you’ve got a sweet tooth that’s barking at you. You swing by your friendly neighborhood convenience store and start to browse around. Ah Ha!...That’ll do it…a 32 oz Gatorade (Lemon-Lime of course). After impulsively grabbing at a box of Entenmanns Chocolate Chip cookies on your way to the check-out, you see the line is 4 deep. No worries, you’ll take a minute to decompress where you can. You’ll be at the cashier in a jiffy. Suddenly, the equilibrium of the entire situation is thrown off by the sheer greed of the clown standing directly in front of you. Get this, he decides he’s bucking the system and brazenly opens his drink prior to physically paying for it. It’s disgusting, I know….

Now, I’ll bet you dollars to donuts that most of you reading this have also decided to abandon social order and do it as part of your normal shopping experience. It’s wrong and annoying…STOP!

It gets worse…

Every now and again you’ll find a shopper that deems it ‘ok’ to open a chip product or perhaps a bag of Cheez-Its while roaming through a store. Give me a break…please. It’s pretty well-known in certain circles that this eats at me like nothing else. Over the years I’ve heard it all….

- “Well, I’m going to pay for it.”
(Then it shouldn’t be an issue for you to wait until the transaction is complete)

- “But, I’m really thirsty.”
(Listen, if you’re stuck in the middle of The Gobi, I’ll cut you some slack. If not, suck it up and wait 2 minutes)

- “Lighten up, everyone does it.”
(Get a clue!)

- “The owner doesn’t care.”
(Oh yeah, have you ever asked him/her?)

- “It’s the only way to keep my kids from crying while I grocery shop.”
(Bring a bag of cheerios with you from the outside)

There’s a natural order to the way things work. You want to ride the merry-go-round, ‘you pay the quarter and the horse goes up, down and around.’ You want a meal in a restaurant, you eat and then ask for the check. You want to make a purchase at a 7-11, choose your bag of corn nuts, stand on line, pay for them, leave the store, get settled and then open them up and shove ‘em down. It’s Logic 101.

It just seems that patience went out of style with powdered wigs. Instant gratification is ‘It’ these days. It’s become the EZ Pass, the Fast Food, the Netflix, the Internet Machine, the ‘I want it now and I don’t care who I’m upsetting or what social more I’m stepping all over.’ This specific example of putting the cart before the horse is just a symptom of the epidemic. For now, let’s baby step to tackle this problem.

Step 1: Pay for things before you open them.

5 Facebook Observations

Now that I’m on Facebook I think its about time I shared my opinion. I know everyone has been waiting with baited breath! Here are 5 Facebook Observations.

1) One of the first pieces of advice I was given after going to the dark side was from the wife and Lisa Hopkins (affectionately referred to as Wife #2 and Guest Blogger ("How Old Is Your child?", June 14, 2010) . It went something like this, “Greco, get a damn profile pic up immediately. Nothing is more aggravating then someone without a picture.” After spending half my work day searching for a picture I find suitable for the public I made the leap and published it. Anyway, I couldn’t agree more with that piece of advice. If you have a FB account then get a damn profile picture up asap. Next…

2) Speaking of profile pics. I’m not sure I agree with someone having a profile pic up and they’re not present. Not sure I approve. I’ll break down the “Suitable” and “Not Suitable” options to make it easy for everyone to understand.

Suitable Profile Pics

- You
- You, Spouse
- You, Spouse, Children
- You, Children

(Note: Notice the trend of “You” in each picture?)

Not Suitable Profile Pics (cue the negative emails…sorry Sis’)

- The Group Photo

Unless you are the only person of that sex present. Even then I’m not sure it’s suitable. Technically you need to be clearly defined in your profile pic and if there are 7 girls or guys standing together it just gets too difficult.

- The Children Only

I get it. Your kids are adorable. Honest. And those who know me know I’m all about the kids but come on. Put the kids photos on your page just not as your profile pic. That’s not who you are…in a literal sense. Since I know some people might say that is who they are. You get what I’m saying…right? I’m not even sure I followed that.

I’m not sure where I currently stand on the “Picture of a Random Object." I think it definitely steers closer to the Not Suitable Profile Pic but how close I’m not sure. Next…

3) I think everyone who puts their birthday down should also have the year as well. It just helps. I know some people don’t like that and I understand. It’d be convenient to know actually how old you are though. Thanks. Next…

4) What came first: Everyone traveling the world or Facebook? I feel like every single person on Facebook has pictures of themselves in far reaches of the world. Its impressive and I’m jealous quite frankly. Did everyone travel this much even when there was no Facebook or did it somehow give you the urge to visit places I can’t spell and/or have never heard of? And how the hell is everyone affording these trips? (Did I mention I was jealous yet?) Next...

5) Let me ask everyone this question – Do you ever tell your significant others you love them in person or is it strictly via Facebook?

"Michelle Smith Greco is so in love with her husband it hurts. I just can't stand how good looking he is and how lucky I am to have him all to myself! Love you!"

So embarassing I know. I guess she can't help herself.

Is That Little Green Man Telling Me What To Do?

I’m about to rant about something parents are doing in neighborhoods across the country! It's spreading like wildfire. (I really only know about a few blocks in my neighborhood) Families are taking it upon themselves to put those signs on the curbs that look like little green men holding flags that say “Slow!”

You probably wonder why this is bothering me. Well it just does. How’s that?

I get it. I get the idea that children are playing in the front yard and possibly the streets so you should drive slowly and carefully. Understandable. 100%. No one should be flying down side streets when the possibility of children playing in the area is a very real one.

However, please don’t TELL ME to slow down. I find it insulting and annoying. Am I being defensive and overreacting a little? Yes. I am. But that’s why I’m a good blogger. I have strong opinions on random things! Anyway, I digress, I want to come up with a new sign. Instead of putting it at my curb I’m going to put on the hood of my car. Something along these lines should work…

STAY OUTSIDE WITH YOUR CHILDREN AND MAKE SURE THEY DON’T RUN IN THE STREETS SINCE IT CAN BE DANGEROUS!

And another thing (notice how I tend to have a hard time ending my posts and always have something else to say?) When searching for the above picture of the little green man I found the following sign that people are now placing curbside: (Below photos courtesy of http://www.fakekid.com/)

If I ever drove by one of these signs I would purposely veer off the road and destroy the sign along with the neighbor's shrubs. Kind've like what this guy is thinking about doing...