1 – Don’t be the schmuck at the restaurant who waves down their server. I don’t care how long its been since they’ve been over to stroke your ego and check on your Chilean Sea Bass. Don’t do it. If you must signal the server give a head nod or a simple eyebrow signal. Keep your hands to yourself.
2 – If I’m going to hold the door for you and your wife than have the courtesy to hold it for me as I follow you in. And while we’re talking about doors – If you are leaving somewhere don’t just open the door and continue on as the door closes behind you. Hold onto the door long enough (which is about 1 second) to peak around your shoulder to make sure no one is following behind and thus gets up close and personal with a window pane.
3 – If you pass by a cop in the midst of a speed trap then do us all a favor and give us the ole’ flashing of the brights a couple times. Would it really kill ya’ to help out another driver?
4 – While we’re at it, thank me for letting you merge into traffic. Even if you don’t mean it. Just put your damn hand up so I can see it. This way I don’t think I just helped a jackass.
5 – This one’s a reach to the miserly ones out there but I’ll give it a shot. If you’re picking up food from a counter and there is a tip jar then throw your change in. The 47 cents isn’t going to do you any good so just throw it in the jar. If for no other reason it makes you look good, ironically a selfish move in and of itself but is allowed in this instance. I think my female readers may disagree with me on this one since they tend to hoard their change like monkey’s hoard mangos.6 – Here’s another reach. In fact, I’m willing to bet I may be in the vast minority on this one. However, that doesn’t make me wrong. You’re at a gas station. It’s packed. There is one guy running around (ok fine, walking around) trying to get to each car and fill up your SUV gas guzzlers. Each driver thinks they deserve to be tended to first since we’re talking about Selfish Pricks in the first place. Do the guy a favor and attempt to pump your own gas. It’s the easiest thing in the world to do. If you get the sense the attendant doesn’t want you too then fine. Head back into the safety blanket that is your Range Rover. I’ve noticed for the most part they appreciate the help and simply give you the nonverbal “thanks”. I’ve also seen when they don’t want you anywhere near the pump as well. In this case, like I said, at least you tried to help. Maybe someone will have seen it and will “Pay it forward” as they say.
(Note: This weekend I pumped my own gas since the station was packed. I got a resounding, "thanks for your help. I appreciate it" from the attendant)
7 – You’re outside. Its either hot as hell or cold as hell. It’s about that time for the mailman to come on by. Do the person a favor and walk up to 'em and take the mail. Don’t make them have to walk up your driveway or lawn to your mailbox. It’s embarrassing really. Embarrassing for them because they know they're being stared at you while walking. Embarrassing for yourself since it’s almost like they’re your servant while you stand there all high and mighty. If you want to really impress me then offer them a cool drink or a warm drink (assuming you have a warm drink available. I don’t expect you to make them a hot chocolate) depending on the current weather condition. I’ll be honest in that I’ve never offered the drink but I do regret it every time the situation calls for it. You can bet I’ll make the offer before the summer ends.
8 – After you just came to the curb and aided the mailman do the neighborly thing and put the lid back on your neighbor’s garbage can. I’ll be honest with this one though. If the neighbor is a jackass then you don’t have to do it. But if you are on a communicative level with your neighbor than put the lid on their garbage can. Or stand it upright. Not only are you being a good person but if you prefer to think selfishly then look at it as enhancing the curb appeal of your neighborhood.
9 – While we’re talking neighbors. When you’re shoveling your sidewalk don’t just stop at the property’s edge or their driveway. All you have to do is go a foot or two in. It shows you aren’t so focused on helping yourself and you don’t mind doing the extra shoveling. If you’re feeling frisky you could even go more than a foot and make an even more noticeable gesture of physical assistance. The extra 5 minutes wont hurt and the hot chocolate will taste that much better when you go in.
10 – This one is for you all you office rats out there. Bring in bagels or some form of breakfast for no reason other than you’re a swell person. Your coworkers will love the gesture and quite frankly it’s a nice thing to do. You’re all part of a team whether you like the jackass in the cubicle next to you or not. And p.s. don’t be the first person buttering your bagel either. Wait til everyone’s had their fill and then dig in. Don’t forget the butter and cream cheese either.
7 – You’re outside. Its either hot as hell or cold as hell. It’s about that time for the mailman to come on by. Do the person a favor and walk up to 'em and take the mail. Don’t make them have to walk up your driveway or lawn to your mailbox. It’s embarrassing really. Embarrassing for them because they know they're being stared at you while walking. Embarrassing for yourself since it’s almost like they’re your servant while you stand there all high and mighty. If you want to really impress me then offer them a cool drink or a warm drink (assuming you have a warm drink available. I don’t expect you to make them a hot chocolate) depending on the current weather condition. I’ll be honest in that I’ve never offered the drink but I do regret it every time the situation calls for it. You can bet I’ll make the offer before the summer ends.
8 – After you just came to the curb and aided the mailman do the neighborly thing and put the lid back on your neighbor’s garbage can. I’ll be honest with this one though. If the neighbor is a jackass then you don’t have to do it. But if you are on a communicative level with your neighbor than put the lid on their garbage can. Or stand it upright. Not only are you being a good person but if you prefer to think selfishly then look at it as enhancing the curb appeal of your neighborhood.
9 – While we’re talking neighbors. When you’re shoveling your sidewalk don’t just stop at the property’s edge or their driveway. All you have to do is go a foot or two in. It shows you aren’t so focused on helping yourself and you don’t mind doing the extra shoveling. If you’re feeling frisky you could even go more than a foot and make an even more noticeable gesture of physical assistance. The extra 5 minutes wont hurt and the hot chocolate will taste that much better when you go in.
10 – This one is for you all you office rats out there. Bring in bagels or some form of breakfast for no reason other than you’re a swell person. Your coworkers will love the gesture and quite frankly it’s a nice thing to do. You’re all part of a team whether you like the jackass in the cubicle next to you or not. And p.s. don’t be the first person buttering your bagel either. Wait til everyone’s had their fill and then dig in. Don’t forget the butter and cream cheese either.
1 comment:
Bro, right on. Always shovel the sidewalks far. Pump my own gas every chance I get, and usually tip the guy even if I do it, especially if its raining or cold. My mail man gets a cold diet coke in the mail box on 90+ degree days. Not sure if he likes it, but he always takes it. I understand I am probably the only person home when the mail comes though.
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