Considering it has now rained 47 out’ve the last 49 days here in New Jersey, and every other town conveniently located along the majestic, ahem, Passaic and Raritan Rivers is headed towards an Atlantis existence, I began thinking more and more about floods.
The type of floods where the entire world disappears. Kind’ve like the one where The Big G’ supposedly warned young Noah of before he opened up the proverbial gates.
To no one’s surprise I have some thoughts on this flood and Noah’s Ark.
Question #1
Did Noah build this boat by himself or did he have any professional help?
I only ask cause I imagine it must’ve been very difficult to construct a boat big enough to house every single animal on the planet by himself. I wonder why you really only hear about Noah. I wonder if there are distant family members who get annoyed at this story every time it rains cause they secretly harbor a resentment towards Noah and his glory seeking. Sounds to me like Noah wanted all the attention.
And what about The Big G’ himself? If he was going to flood out the world you’d think he’d at least lend a helping hand. Maybe engineering help at least. Maybe he referred a Contractor to Noah? That would’ve been helpful.
Question #2
Did Noah come up with one of those witty names for the boat or was Noah’s Ark the official name?
If I were Noah I might’ve gone with, “I Noah It’s Gonna Flood!” or “This Flood’s For You” but that’s just me.
Question #3
Again with the question of assistance – Did Noah have help in wrangling up all the animals and if so how did he travel across the world to get each one?
Maybe The Big G’ let him use his NetJet? I bet his PJ is sweet too, assuming you can handle the gaudy decorative sense he probably had. I bet the in-flght service was impeccable!
Question #4
Did Noah skirt his responsibilities once the waters receded or did he return each animal to where he got them?
Thanks to Noah…and crew (I wont forget about you folks)…we now have an animal kingdom so I hate to lay a seed of doubt amongst his greatness. The question has to be asked though.
I have to hope The Big G’ paid him handsomely for this.
Question #5
Did Joan get her name from working on Noah’s crew?
Question #6
Did Noah have a chance to decline this incredible burden asked of him?
I’m not saying I would’ve turned it down. I mean if The Big G’ asked me to build a yacht out’ve balsam wood to save the animal kingdom I’d say, “Pass the hammer!” But Noah and I may be few and far between. I wonder if he had second thoughts?
That being said, I bet his second thoughts were far from his mind when he was boozing it up on the PJ headed to the jungles of South America.
Question #7
How did the selection process go?
I mean it must’ve been heartbreaking to pick one male and one female of every species of animal and then watch them say goodbye to their loved ones. This was like the Sophie’s Choice of the era. I couldn’t imagine.
Question #8
When Noah had all the animals on board and in life jackets did they set sail or did they simply sit tight and await the flood? Also, did the aquatic animals require life jackets?
This is an interesting question. Did he build the boat on land and just wait for the water or did he head to the Mediterranean and build it in the water. I bet he had access to The Big G’s boat slip in the Mediterranean. You get sweet perks at those ritzy Marina’s too. He probably took full advantage of the evening happy hour. I know I would.
Question #9
If you were Noah what would you order at the Marina’s Happy Hour if you knew you were a storm cloud away from flooding away into oblivion?
I think I’d have a Margarita. Rocks. No salt. Simple. Slightly cliché but a favorite.
Question #10
Why did The Big G’ want to flood out the world in the first place?
He could’ve saved everyone a whole lot of heart ache if he just chose to have a big rain storm and not some apocalyptic nonsense. Was it worth it in the end considering the logistics of having to build The Ark, higher Noah for the job, pay for travel and expenses and other planning involved? I bet it was one of those life lessons things The Big G’ is so good at. Maybe Noah was lazy and he wanted to show him the value of hard work.
10 Questions to think about. I know I am. Now, if anyone has the answers to these questions please let me know. In particular, if you are a distant relative of someone who worked on Noah’s crew but didn’t get the credit deserved now is your chance to make a statement!
Bonus Question #1:
Was Noah the only human to know of this impending flood and if true did it wipe out the existing human population as well? Why wasn’t there ever a Noah’s Ark for humans?
If it was a secret it’s yet another heavy burden bestowed upon him. I bet he had to sign a confidentiality agreement much like Bruce Willis did in Armageddon. I’m willing to bet he warned more than a few people at the Marina beforehand. I imagine Noah at the very least told the bartender or the 1st pretty little lady who saddled up next to him.
Could you blame the poor guy?
Bonus Question #2: (Sorry I can't help it)
Did Noah have a last name or was it one of those Madonna type things?
I feel like everyone only went by first names back then. Mary, Noah, God, Jesus, Joseph, John, Paul, etc etc. Or was "Christ" Jesus' last name?
Ok now I'm confused...
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