OBL's Final Diary Entry Published

You read it hear first, everyone. Osama Bin Laden's final Diary entry. A look into the mind of the most wanted terrorist in the world. This is fascinating...

Diary Entry No. 2,476

It’s now been over 9 years since I had, strike that, since Allah had the great idea of playing jockey with a bunch of 747’s and reigning terror on those bastard westerners I am so jealous of, strike that, hateful of.

I have to admit, however, I did not anticipate I’d be isolated in this dreary compound back when I was in the luxury of my Tora Bora caves. Those Afghan mountain winters were for the birds though.

To start, the whole 3 wives route was a decision I made rather hastily. I knew the Big Love kick would come back to haunt me. Damn you, Allah. Not to mention the 387 kids as a result. Aah, to be single and wealthy again. Have you seen the cost of tuition at those colleges in the states? Some of my great terrorist leaders studied there. But that was when it was affordable. Hopefully I live to see my youngest graduate from Abbottadad Community College. Go ACC Cougars! If they don't beat those rich kids from the U of Islamabad in this year's "Battle of the Bands" I'm going to be pissed.

There I said it. Those spoiled Islamabad kids drive me crazy. Anyway, to continue...

I’m still annoyed at the Pakistani Phone Company (PPC) for not connecting my service. Not to mention the fact whenever I have a courier go to their HQ’s they get the shaft. What happened to old fashioned customer service? I guess it’s all well and good since the Evil West is trying to tap my phone’s anyway. They can be so annoying.

I’d also like to make note that if I see another Wal-Mart pop up on my Holy Land I’m going to take my sandals and throw ‘em at the first Capitalist I see.

I probably shouldn’t keep complaining because at this point many thought I wouldn’t even be alive but I can’t help it. Between you and me, Diary, I am getting pretty sick of having chickens every damn day. I do appreciate the fact we raise them organically but you’d think one of my couriers would take it upon themselves and leave the compound and bring back Chinese or Italian food one of these days. Would it kill him? If it didn’t, I may that’s for sure.

What’s funny is that I actually hear some rustle outside as we speak. Maybe I spoke to soon and my trusted courier has flown in some authentic Indian? Don’t tell my Pakistani friends at the nearby Military Academy of course. They'd go crazy if they knew!

I've said it before but I'm saying it again, Allah has a way of surprising you when you least expect it doesn't he? Yup. Sounds like the food is here, with great fanfare might I add?! 

A lot of excitement out there! I wonder if they know I'm in my ro