An Opinionated Blogger's Dream

As I sit here amongst the masses in Assembly Room B I can’t help but formulate opinions on everyone and everything I see. We’re all here to “solemnly swear” and “raise our right hand” to serve our country and perform our duty as citizens. People of all colors, shapes and sizes all united in one common goal – figure out how to get the fuck out’ve here as quickly as possible.

 

Back to my inability to reign in my opinions on everyone and everything. I think the judge and the associated lawyers should be made aware of this fact. I just got back from the initial introduction to the case I may be selected to jurorize (Yup. Made that word up but I think it works) and I’m pretty confident the defendant is guilty already. I haven’t been told any facts of the case other than the type of charges and where it took place. For my part I’m confident I know they are guilty just by my first impression of the defendant.

 

Some of you may cry foul and say I shouldn’t judge and that we’re all innocent until proven guilty. Blah blah blah. The fact of the matter is that my first impression of people has an overall success rate of somewhere between 98% - 100%. I’d save this Court and prospective jurors a lot of time and money if they would hear me out on this.

 

Some observations of the morning so far…

 

1) While on “recess” if you decide to monopolize a private cubicle in the Computer Lounge you should do so with a computer. Not an embarrassingE-Reader. Not an iPod. Not an actual book. It’s a Computer Lounge not a Technology/Leisure Lounge and other people with computers on hand value that space. Glad we cleared that up. Thanks.

 

2) Something about sitting in a room with 100 other highly opinionated jurors who would rather be elsewhere really does bring me back to the days of yesteryear when our government was formed by our prophetic forefathers. Harkening is about as far as I’ll go with that feeling though. I’d rather be elsewhere. Thanks.

 

3) In a tightly packed room filled with unhappy and slovenly people the last thing you should be doing is slurping your coffee like a 9 year old slurps apple juice. Grow up buddy. Thanks.

 

4) Woman behind me in the Computer Lounge this one’s for you. Shut the fuck up. Read the sign on the wall that says “No Talking on Cellphones”. I don’t give a shit about how great an employee this Brad character is and I don’t give a rat’s ass that you are a Managing Director. Thanks.

 

5) I’ve come to realize that I’m not a pew guy. I hate sitting in pews. So as I was sitting in this uncomfortable position listening to the judge speak of “community responsibility” and “civic duty” I couldn’t help but wander off and think about how maybe I’m not necessarily atheist but I’m actually just anti-pew? Maybe when I was in CCD back in my formative days it was the pew that got me thinking The Big G’ was a fraud. You’d think if the guy was a carpenter as they say he’d like his subjects to be a little bit more comfortable as they worship him in his house, no? I know if it were my house and I had hundreds gathering daily to worship me I’d at the very least offer a cushion on something other than the thing you kneel on. Something to think about G' as you go fw: with this religion thing. Meeting with the Pope may be in order?

 

6) Oh and woman behind me, one more thing, you are NOT talking softly as you just claimed on the phone so don’t apologize to the schmuck you’re talking to right now. Thanks.