May 11, 2009

10 Pet Peeves

1. People who come to a complete stop at EZ-Pass. Why’d you get it in the first place if you still stop at a toll booth. Just throw the damn change in the bucket if that’s the case. Go through at a nice 15mph speed and continue on your way. See that long line of cars to your left? Those people are in line because each car has to come to a stop to pay the toll. They all wish they were intelligent enough to have EZ-Pass so they wouldn’t find themselves waiting in line. If you wanna wait in line than cancel your damn account.

2. While we’re on the subject of EZ-Pass. How about the EZ-Pass lanes that have gates which prohibit you from cruising through without stopping? What the fuck is the point of having the EZ-Pass lane then?!

3. People who raise their hand for a question and then when called upon they say “I have a question…” No shit Sherlock.

4. People who walk around with their Bluetooth clipped to their ear. People who do this and follow it up with actually speaking to someone while walking is embarrassing. Tell your imaginary friend you’ll call them back.

5. People, specifically men, who wear their sunglasses inside. Evidently they think the sun penetrates roofing.

6. People who insist on using speaker phone when they call you. You called me. Don’t assume I want to talk to you in the first place. Let alone the entire room.

7. Men who drink wine at a bar. And don’t get me started on men who order martinis. This isn’t so much a pet peeve as much as it is a General Fact of Life. Btw, men, if you so happen to fall in this category of violators please do not hold the glass by the stem…and while you’re at it – untie the damn sweater from around your neck cause you look like a friggin idiot. And about that popped collar – no comment.

8. Guys who buy team jerseys and personalize them with their names. And if you ever put your first name on the back you should be tar and feathered.

9. Men who run to avoid the rain. If you are outside and it begins to rain you do not run for cover. Unless Hurricane Whomever has just made ground you can not act like rain is actually of the acid kind. Its your fault for not carrying the umbrella. Don’t make yourself look worse by looking like you’re afraid to get a little wet. Your $200 Brooks Bros. shirt can be dry cleaned. Wherever you go they will understand if you come in a little wet. In fact, you’ll get sympathy for it. Use that to your advantage.

10. Parking space stalkers. This one is actually my #1 Pet Peeve of All-Time. I’m saving the best for last. Here’s the deal people – if you pass the spot you lose the spot. End of story. There is no such thing as reversing in a parking lot. Your loss. And you should NEVER have your car in park waiting for the owner of the car who was lucky enough to have a good spot. Getting a parking spot is not skill. Its pure luck combined with knowledge of the area. Drive around the lot. Should you be lucky enough to be passing a car which just left or is currently leaving then kudos to you. This next one happens a lot: You see someone rolling down their window to ask someone where they are parked as they are strolling through the parking lot. The person answers you because they are nice. Evidently the person inquiring feels that this spot is now theirs as they idle along side the person creating the most awkward situation ever. (offer to give them a ride if you’re gonna be that much of a schmuck in the first place) You now arrive at the parking spot. However, there are other cars who are following the parking lot rules and happen to be scouring that current location. That parking spot does not belong to you. It belongs to the people who are currently manning that area of the lot. End of story.