September 29, 2010

House Hunters on "House Hunters"

Does anyone else find it as annoying as I do (and I'm sure Suzanne Whang agrees) when couples on House Hunters don’t stop talking about their kids and the “safety concerns” in the homes they see?

Listen, I realize us parents (I’m not a parent as of yet but I thought it sounded good) have to take safety and all things kids into consideration when it comes to, well, all things in your life. Just do us all a favor and leave the child-concerns at home when you’re on House Hunters and/or Property Virgins.

It’s just annoying.

When I’m trying to envision my life with your bank account in some far off exotic land, like, say Austin, TX and I have to see you choose House #3 because there’s no pool and they have “just a perfect space that can be used as the kids homework room” it makes me cringe.

It really makes me angry.

So let me get this straight. You chose the average home because of the “Homework Room” over the gorgeous mansion with the balconies, master bedroom the size of my property, and all the amenities? I don’t buy it. Figuratively. ‘Cause I would certainly buy it literally!


I watched an episode recently where an annoying woman didn’t choose the most gorgeous mansion I’ve ever laid eyes on because the “playroom” upstairs had a door that led to a balcony which she deemed unsafe for her kids. Understandable if only for this great new invention that hit the market about 950 years ago called a lock.

“Oh little Billy will just love this space to do his homework!”

“This room will be great for Amanda to keep all her dolls in!”

“I just love how the kitchen flows into the living room so I can watch Michael and Rebecca play all day long!”

So the 5 bedroom 4 bath House #2 didn’t have the necessary room for Billy, Amanda, Michael or Rebecca I guess?

Spare me.

Thank goodness for House Hunters International coming up next. Those families are much cooler!

A couple parting thoughts...

- That's not a "tray ceiling" so stop calling it that
- That chair rail is hideous so please stop saying it really compliments the room
- No. No. No. I'm sorry but that color is awful and that wallpaper is NOT nice! Are we looking at the same bathroom?
- Please explain because I'm not understanding. What about this 20'x25' master bedroom is bothering you again?

Embarassing. Insulting. Outlandish.

Why is it that it seems the majority of parents these days allow their children to treat restaurants like their own personal playgrounds?

This particular subject has been gnawing at me for quite a while now. Are parents lazier now then they once were? I think they must be, no? When I was a 3 year old kid dominating the southern shores of Long Island were their 3 year old kids treating the local restaurants like a jungle gym? And if so were their parents laughing and ogling over “how precious Sammy and Jessica are” during their egregious act of disregard?

The other night I was having dinner at a local casual restaurant that has your typical outdoor patio area. A nice little area which makes your Pork Chop special taste all that much better…unless you happen to be dining alongside 4 mother’s drinking wine while their 4 toddlers run around in their madras shorts and popped collar polos annoying the hell out’ve the other people trying to eat dinner.

It was embarrassing. Insulting. Outlandish. I don’t know for certain but I do know one thing – if I so much as got up from my seat during dinner when I was a kid I would get in trouble. If my sister so much as chewed her steak too deliberately she’d be given The Look of Utter Disdain. Now I’m not saying The Look of Utter Disdain is the way to treat your child when they struggle to chew on a large piece of steak but you get my point. My point is there should be some type of discipline and there seems to be none of it these days.

About an hour into our dinner the father’s showed up to the restaurant. I was hoping to all hell they’d come and right the ship. The scene was playing out that they would. At least in my head it was. The men would come and be annoyed at their drunken wives for allowing their bratty kids to take over the outdoor dining area.

Dad #1 – Kept his mouth shut but you could tell he was embarrassed by the way he was subtly looking around at everyone else outside. Gave his kids a look or two but didn’t open his mouth.

Dad #2 – Bingo. The dad I was looking for. He was not pleased at what he walked into. Paid very little attention to his annoying wife and began reprimanding the children. Did the children listen to him? Not really. But that’s currently not the point. At least he tried and realized the actions were unacceptable. Dad #2 then apologized to Michelle and I as he was taking the kids out’ve the restaurant. He saw my death stare so he knew I wasn’t pleased. I of course acted like it was no big deal since I wasn’t in a feisty mood. I wanted an apology and he gave one.

I just don’t understand the mentality of allowing your children to run around and be loud in a public place. Its lazy parenting. I’m not a parent just yet but I know for damn certain that will not happen under my regime. And another thing, not to veer too far off topic, but it annoys the hell out’ve me when I hear current parents say to non-parents, “oh you’ll see! You say that now but wait until you have kids!” No. No thank you. I know for sure I have certain beliefs that a child will not change. I’m sure there are instances where you get a little lazy and let things go. Obviously there are and there will be. Just like there is in anything in life. But some are not up for debate. Like this one.

September 11, 2010

Ok Kids, Today's Lesson Plan Is....


Subject: Teachers

Grade: Post-Baccalaureate

Topic: Teachers v. Working Stiffs


Upon finishing this post readers will understand that Teachers do not have it as bad as they advertise. Readers will be able to compare and contrast the differences in a Teacher’s Quality of Life (QOL) and the average Working Stiff’s QOL.


Reader’s will have the ability to take said knowledge into any discussion with one of the many millions of Teacher’s who claim their job is more stressful than it really is. If a Reader finds themselves in a situation where a Teacher is acting as though their job is incredibly grueling they will have the ability to prove them incorrect.


- Reader’s current job’s Human Resources Handbook
- Calendar
- Index Finger (Nonverbally used for stern and emphatic pointing)


The Reader’s will begin this blog with a basic understanding of a Teacher’s work schedule and a thorough understanding of their own. After which a basic Compare and Contrast module of learning will be used.


Teacher’s Annual Time Off: Approximately 11 Weeks
Working Stiff’s Time Off: Approximately 3 Weeks
Advantage: Teachers

Teacher’s Work Schedule: +/- 7:00 – 3:30
Working Stiff’s Time Off: +/- 9:00 – 5:00

Note: Although the hours may seem to be about even the fact that a Teacher’s day ends much earlier gives them a distinct advantage.
Advantage: Teachers

Teacher’s Biggest Complaint: “I have sooo much work to do when I get home. Lesson Plan’s and Tests to grade. Teacher’s take their work home with them!”
Working Stiff’s Biggest Complaint: “My boss is riding my ass right now because if I don’t get this proposal done by noon I’m going to lose the company millions and be fired on the spot since I don’t have union protection.”
Advantage: Teachers

Teacher’s Annual Salary: $45,000 – (dependant on Education)
Working Stiff’s Annual Salary: $45,000 – (Probably a higher ceiling than a Teacher’s in most industries)
Advantage: Working Stiff

Teacher’s Benefits: Union protection, Job security, Tremendous Health Benefits, Summer’s off
Working Stiff’s Benefits: 45 minute lunch break, Average Health Benefits, Possibly MLK Day off
Advantage: Teachers

Teacher’s Annual Workload: 10 months
Working Stiff’s Annual Workload: 12 months
Advantage: Teachers


The Readers will guide themselves through the above “Development” stage of the Lesson Plan and come to a basic understanding of the topic at hand.


When the scenario arises and a Teacher begins to gripe with a Working Stiff the Working Stiff will be able to choose whether to use the facts stated previously or not to use them. The Teacher will most likely get defensive and the debate may end on a bad note. If said debate ends on a bad note it’s best to simply have an index card handy with the web address of this blog. It may also prove helpful if you simply to say to them, “Don’t worry you have all summer to sit on the beach and stew over how rough you got it!”