November 4, 2010

Anxiety Central – Part 3

Part 3 - Dressing Up for Hallween Anxiety (DUHA)

In a blog I can effectively call “belated” I would like to discuss something that has plagued me my entire life. Its not a daily issue I struggle with but a seasonal one. It’s called Dressing Up for Halloween Anxiety. Otherwise known as DUHA.

Symptoms of this disorder usually start to rear their ugly head around mid-August. Although it’s not something that can’t be ignored and dealt with at this stage of development. It’s when you get into mid to late September where the symptoms really start to take over your life. Forget October. You might as well stay in bed, lock the doors, turn off the lights and call it a month ‘cause that’s really the only way to successfully deal with DUHA.

Here’s why people like me struggle with DUHA:

It’s not that we hate Halloween as a holiday. Its not that at all. In fact I enjoy the late Fall holiday for all its decorative nature (albet I would never be caught dead putting one of those ridiculous blow up ghosts on my lawn). I enjoy pumpkins and all the carving that goes along with it. Now ask me if I’ve ever actually carved a pumpkin. I think I did a few years ago. I think. Anyway, I enjoy handing out candy to all the kids...

Except for the ones that have their annoying parents in the background asking me if I want to donate to some charity. "Umm, no thanks. I’m currently contributing to your child’s high obesity rate since candy is probably the only thing that gets your kid out’ve the house nowadays anyway. And while we’re having this talk – try teaching your kid how to say thank you!”

…Sorry for that tangent but that’s what happens when you have this type of anxiety on your shoulders. It’s hard to control.

Where was I? Oh yeah, so the basic idea of the holiday in the late fall is great. It’s the idea of dressing up that is agonizing for people like me. I’m not against dressing up but only if it’s a costume that is basically comment-proof. What does comment-proof mean?

No one should be able to look at you and think or say the following:

- Umm, what is he exactly?
- Does he realize he looks like an idiot?
- Nice cliché costume you have there buddy.
- Nice try guy but maybe if you lost 10lbs and had a six-pack that could work.

If someone with DUHA were to dress up it would have to be in a costume that could garner the following comments:

- Ok that works. Nothing creative but he looks good at least.
- Wow. Now THAT is a great costume. How creative!
- Who’s that guy? I love his costume!

Now analyze the positive and negative comments and you’ll see the problem. Someone with DUHA has to either have a fail safe basic costume that avoids any negative comments like, “cliché”, “lazy”, etc. or have one of the best costumes of the year. There is no in between allowed. It’s the “no in between allowed” that weighs on you like a ton of bricks.
What it comes down to is that I am jealous of people who can dress up however the hell they want and not give a damn what people think. DUHA doesn’t allow that from happening. DUHA is a debilitating disease.

Thank goodness I have 9 months to recover.