King Of Your Life

So as I was driving up the Garden State Parkway the other day I couldn’t help but notice this bumper sticker on the car in front me…

 

I could probably end this blog now and leave the rest up to your imagination. Alas, that’s not as much fun as writing about it. I’m going to take a different tact though. Not one you’d come to expect from a guy like myself.

Let’s say Jesus was on the ticket for King of Your Life. Who else would run for that post? Who would his running mate be? His toughest opposition? Not surprisingly these are things  I thought about as I idled my way through traffic. Bumper stickers like this serve as immediate alarms for potential blogs and when that sound goes off my brain starts kicking.

My gut tells me Jesus wouldn’t have a hard time finding a good running mate. One might think he’d have one of his many loyal Disciples or Apostles by his side. Pretty sure John, Matt or Luke are the popular ones but are they most deserving? Didn’t one disobey him or steal a goat or something? Probably shouldn’t go with one of these untrustworthy groupies.  

If I were him I’d have to reach out to the famous trio known as The Three Wise Men. Wouldn’t you? Makes sense to me. I guess the only issue that could arise would be which of the three to select if he could have only one. Rock, Paper, Scissor might have to happen and that may prove more trouble than it’s worth.

Maybe everyone’s favorite boat captain, Noah, would get an interview. I mean hell if that kid could orchestrate not only the design, engineering and construction of a boat large enough to house all the worlds species in advance of a worldwide flood who’s to say he couldn’t organize peace in the Middle East?

Then there’s Moses. The author of the famed 10 Commandments. The magician who parted the almighty Red Sea. If I’m running for King of Your Life I may want a magician on my side and Moses may have to get the nod.

Biggest opposition to King of Your Life would have to come down to the usual suspects. Maybe Mohammad? The lovable Buddha? The bearded Zeus?

Mohammad is not only an obvious favorite going in since he’s so beloved but it’s also the most popular first and last name in the world. I imagine that will go a long way towards swaying votes come Election Day.

Buddha may ultimately be too nice a person and it’s possible he’d get typecast as a pushover. The King of Your Life needs a little bit of an edge I think.

It’s early and the campaigns haven’t begun but I’m fairly certain Zeus would get my King of Your Life vote. Who wouldn’t want your King to live atop Mt. Olympus? Who wouldn’t want a King who’s symbolically represented by the thunderbolt, the eagle and the oak tree!? Strong. Demonstrative. Fair. Someone you could really stand behind, not to mention a man familiar with dividing up responsibility. Unselfish to say the least.

Here’s a sleeper. What about Joseph of Joseph and Mary fame? I feel like he gets a raw deal. Same goes for God while we’re at it. Everyone always seems to pray to God but very rarely do they pray to Jesus. That might say something about people’s true loyalties. I liken it to people preferring the original George Bush over his son. I digress, back to Joseph, never really hear about the guy. You see statues of Mary but never of Joe. What’s that about?

So who would you vote for King of Your Life? You know where I stand...

 

 

It's Okay

Sometimes you don’t succeed. Sometimes you lose. Sometimes you’re not the best version of yourself.

Believe me. It’s okay.

Sometimes you attempt what seems like your average task and you fail. Sometimes snatching the weight you “crushed” last week feels like snatching the weight of the world. Sometimes writing a proposal letter stops you in your tracks immediately after “Dear Mr. So-And-So,”.

It’s okay.

Sometimes getting out of bed pissed off happens. Sometimes the sun doesn’t seem to rise and shine. Sometimes the grass isn’t greener on the other side.

Believe me. It’s okay.

There are times when all the positivity in the world combined with all the inspirational pep talks do absolutely nothing for you. You can’t be “on” all the time the same way you can’t truly appreciate summer without the winter. The same way you can’t enjoy sleep unless you’re tired.

You should always try and push yourself to that proverbial breaking point. If you don’t you’ll never know just how far you could have gone. You’ll never quite know how great you could have been. You’ll never quite reach your “potential”. At the same time, it’s equally important to keep perspective...

Sometimes life is heavier than the barbell and believe me, it’s okay.

Get Off Your Knees

I need to write.

Shit like this makes me sick. Literally sick to my stomach. A pit in my stomach started forming yesterday afternoon and hasn’t left. Probably won’t leave for some time. Not unlike most people’s feelings I’m sure.

I would like to make a few statements as a result of what happened. Remember, everyone’s entitled to my opinion after all. I warn my religious friends in advance this may not go over well. Just keep in mind I love you. I just don’t love religion.

1)    Stop telling me to pray for the victims. This just in, praying isn’t gonna do shit other than make yourself feel better. If that’s your goal than absolutely do it. But don’t think for a second your prayers are helping those victims because they aren’t. They’re helping you cope. Let’s remember that. Let’s remember that prayer is therapy for YOUR soul not someone else’s. You may not agree with that but deep down it’s the truth. The fact you’re praying makes you feel like you’re contributing in some way. And that is a great thing but realize that’s what it is. You’re not literally helping anyone other than yourself. So to reiterate, stop telling me to pray. Segue….

2)    Stop quoting the bible. Stop giving me some dumb ass proverb that does nothing more than insult the victims like, say, this one I saw yesterday…

Do not be afraid of sudden terror, Nor of trouble from the wicked when it comes; For the Lord will be your confidence, And will keep your foot from being caught. - Proverbs 3:25-26

What human can throw this dumb fucking proverb out there in a time like this? The lord will keep my confidence and keep my foot from being caught in the trouble. Where the fuck was this lord for the people in Boston yesterday? How about the father who had his 8 year old son waiting at the finish line only to return to bloodshed?

Do not be afraid of sudden terror. That’s hysterical. So the people standing along the sidelines enjoying a beautiful Patriots Day shouldn’t be afraid of the horror they experienced? They witnessed carnage and a near death experience. Some of them will never be able to stand confidently in a crowd again. Oooh but don’t be afraid ‘cause thank heavens the lord is in your corner. Fantastic. Unless of course the lord is asleep at the wheel like he must’ve been yesterday afternoon.

Insulting.

I get that we all have our own coping mechanisms. Some people need to, ahem, write about it, as an example. But please don’t be naïve to the harsh realities of the world. The lord ain’t in your corner. He’s not in anyone’s corner. It’s you and your soul…and a keyboard to write.

3)    Comments from the I-Like-to-Bitch-About-Long-Lines-&-Security Peanut Gallery, anyone? I’m listening…anyone want to complain about those pat downs at the airports or at stadiums? Go ahead…I’m listening. Great idea allowing pocket knives back on airplanes as well. That’s just a fantastic idea, President. Give in to the demands of the spoiled passengers found in the aforementioned Peanut Gallery. How about we just realize we are perennial targets so toughen the fuck up and be patient for the sake of security ‘cause this shit isn’t going to stop in your lifetime. Ask Israel.

Sorry if I offended anyone. Not my intention. Just my opinion and had to get that off my chest. #copingmechanism