January 29, 2013

My Muse Marci

My morning started out nicely. An early morning WOD with the wife and others at Brazen complete with 16 minutes of shoulder torture. Snatches, Handstand Pushups and Double Unders all before the sun rises. Great way to start the day. After said torture session I took advantage of my one free food or drink courtesy of Starbucks gold status and enjoyed a not-so-little vente with a shot of espresso.

I was 2 for 2 to start my morning. Really going strong. Headed to work and ready to get on with the day. Working for “the man” and being miserable doing so had nothing on me today!
And then she had to go and ruin it.
“She” refers to the pretentious, nosey, judgmental bitch I encountered while enjoying my idle session in typical Rte 280 traffic. I’m gonna dissect this stuck-up bitch because it’s therapeutic to do so. I’m fairly certain I have her pinned down as a person. But first, let me set the scene…
We’re start and stopping our way down 280 like moths to a flame. Every one of us in our cars embarking on a day not one of us really wants to embark on. Hundreds upon hundreds of cars filled with doubt. I’d say 90% of the people on the road in the morning are doing something they wish they didn’t “have” to do. Alas, we’re doing it. We’re like pigs voluntarily slogging our way to the metaphorical slaughterhouse of life.
I look to my left as if someone was tapping me on my shoulder telling me to do so and what do I see. I see a woman with a face of disgust. I see a woman ranting and raving. I see a woman who is evidently not to pleased to have seen me check my iPhone while, gasp, driving. She rolls down her window. I have no idea what words are coming out’ve her mouth. I only see her mouth moving and her finger waving back and forth. I may not have heard what she said but I’m fairly certain she heard what I said…
“Really? Get a fucking life. You fucking bitch.”
Victory. I’m now a hard fought 3 for 3 to start my morning. I was in disbelief of what just happened. Some thoughts that ran through my mind in the aftermath, “Did that really just happen?”, “Are people really that fucking tightly wound?”, “People need to get a grip.”
I don’t get. Is checking your phone while driving safe? No its not. That’s not the point. The point is the judgment. The point is the fact that she got so bent out’ve shape over witnessing such a heinous crime that she exploded and felt the need to yell at me like I’m her bratty kid she sees when the Nanny cancels last minute. Here’s what’s really going on in her head…
Her name is Marci and the reason she’s so upset this morning is because her husband, Jeff, is cheating on her and the Nanny, Rosa, has been cancelling of late leaving her with more work to do at home. She was actually one of the 10% this morning that wasn’t on her way to work. Instead she was on her way to Newark to pick up Rosa since one of the reasons for the cancellations has been her unreliable mode of transportation. Having to wake up so early was not the way she typically likes to start her day unless it’s out back with her massage therapist, Derek.
Last night over dinner she got into a little dust-up with Jeff over how much he’d been working. Late hours at the office turned into accusations of an affair. Jeff, although guilty as sin, denied vehemently and his response, “I work late so you can continue buying expensive things and taking vacations. You want me to fucking stop or do you want to keep buying that jewelry of yours?!” That didn’t go over too well and their daughter, Madison, was caught in the crossfire. It’s times like these when Rosa is needed most. Unfortunately Rosa’s brakes failed earlier in the day which caused the build-up of frustration that came out come dinner time.
It’s amazing how it all comes full circle and I get yelled at as a result. I’m a complete stranger. I’m minding my own business in my own car. We’re two steel door frames and a solid 10’ away from each other and yet I still find myself in her crosshairs. She looked to her right and she didn’t see me. She saw Jeff, Rosa, Morgan and Derek rolled into one…although with what she pays Rosa I dont’ think she’d have an iPhone. Semantics. She saw Jeff banging his secretary, Stephanie, because Stephanie appreciates him. She saw Rosa calling to apologize for her unreliable station wagon forcing her to be a mother to her child. She saw Madison come home and bitch and moan that her friend Morgan got picked as cheerleading captain and she didn’t. And she saw Derek continually turning down her advances because he doesn’t play for that team.
She saw it all in me.
I like to think I represented the prevailing thoughts of Jeff, Rosa, Morgan and Derek by calling her a bitch. I also like to think that there is a “mutual friend” out in the facebook world that knows Marci and can share this blog with her. I’d like her to know how transparent her life has become. I’d like her to know she played muse to my creative side this morning. In a fateful twist of irony I thank you, Marci. I thank you for being my muse.
…or maybe she was just unhappy with my unsafe iPhone-While-Driving actions. Could be either one.

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