1. There was never a 9/11.
2. There’d be no such thing as an expansion team in sports.
3. There would still be 9 planets.
4. People wouldn’t get older but they would get wiser.
5. There would be no such thing as sand traps.
6. Every backyard would come equipped with a badminton set.
7. Every game would use a bracket style tournament to determine the champion.
8. Buying a round of beers at a sporting event wouldn’t cost you $50.
9. Pharmaceutical companies would stop creating drugs that maintain diseases and start creating drugs that cure them.
10. The French would look themselves in the mirror.
11. There’d be no such thing as a Leap Year. What the hell is that anyway?
12. Snow would fall as usual only not on your driveway.
13. People would be less sensitive.
14. People would be more sensitive.
15. Israel would wipe Iran off the map. Not the other way around.
16. The Pope would concentrate on fixing his own nightmare and not worry about someone’s artistic expression…and that goes for all religious leaders and religion in general.
17. There’d be no such thing as garnishing a beer.
18. There would be no “Bounce Rule” in Beer Pong. Just throw the damn ball.
19. Tom Cruise wouldn’t have jumped up and down on a couch.
20. People would come to realize that Oprah Winfrey is not a saint and is in it for the money, fame and power.
21. I would be as rich as Oprah Winfrey and have her money, fame and power.
22. There’d be no such thing as a debate on Separation of Church v. State because religion doesn’t belong anywhere near a public school.
23. Texas, aka the Lone Star State, would get what they want and leave.
24. Chuck Norris really did do all those things that email said he did.
25. People would realize Madden Football stopped being good after ’94.
26. Life would be fair
27. People would see the forest for the trees
28. People would realize that the idea of Noah’s Ark is ridiculous
29. PETA would find something better to do with their time.
30. More girls realized that ponytails were hot.
31. There was never a Regis & Kathy and always a Regis & Kelly.
32. The day after the Super Bowl would be a national holiday.
33. Fruits and Vegetables tasted like chocolate chip cookies and brownies.
4 comments:
why did you stop at 33 - I want more!
Amen to #30!
Totally agree with #32...I know I shouldn't since I'm a girl, but hey, some girls do like football (although I haven't quite figured out if I like the football aspect or the drinking/food aspect of a Superbowl)
Ok Greco, thinking about writing this on your "...Things that drive me crazy" blog was the only thing that kept me somewhat sane today. I’m not sure if this is where I am supposed to add on to your blog/title, but I’m giving it a shot. This will not be close to the creativity you have put into your wonderful blogs, but I really needed to vent.
I have been commuting to Bordentown (by Trenton) everyday for the past two weeks for training. Having spent many hours a day in a car by myself and having become a semi-disgruntled driver, I have observed many things on the highway about drivers, most of which drive me absolutely crazy. Although the training days/long commute (about 70 minutes each way) are coming to an end (I’m done on Friday), I have noticed that my road rage has increased. Therefore, I believe Greco’s blog, “Life Observations and Things That Drive Me Crazy” is the place to vent and see if anyone else shares my same frustrations.
Due to possible space restraints in this comments section (I’ve never done this before and was not sure if I should have started a new blog), I will limit my reporting today to one issue in particular ---- highway merging and lane cutters.....DRIVES ME NUTS! I’m sorry if anyone reading this is a lane cutter (well…not really), but seriously, you’re really not being fair and are actually contributing (in large part) to the reason there is traffic at the merge in the first place (I have thought a lot about this).
First of all, what kind of “special privilege” do you think you have over everyone else, who has been patiently waiting in that long line of cars that you just breezed past, to cut in the front of the merge? I’ve got news for ya -- No one ever wants to sit in traffic, it’s not only you….but guess what?? Sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do and sitting in traffic is one of them. Then, as if getting all the way to the front of the merge after 20 minutes and then getting cut off isn’t bad enough, the line cutters have the audacity to give you this daringly innocent look and a wave like, “Oooh, I am sooooo sorry, it’s my first day on this highway and I didn’t realize that the past 2 miles of cars in one lane were all there to merge.” OK IDIOT, DO YOU HONESTLY THINK THAT I BELIEVE THAT YOU DON’T TRAVEL THIS SAME HIGHWAY EVERYDAY TO GO TO WORK AND KNOW THAT THE MERGE FOR RT. 280 USUALLY STARTS AT EXIT 11 DURING RUSH HOUR???? (hopefully if you are familiar with this highway you can relate)
If there were no lane cutters, the merge could go quite smoothly and could possibly cut valuable minutes off of your daily commute...you could hit the snooze button one more time, you could have time to get a cup of coffee/tea without rushing, or you could be able turn around and run back to your house quickly if you forgot something. But no, we can't do this because we know that there is going to be traffic at the same spot everyday and usually its for the same reason.
The idea is quite simple – When you see the line forming, GET INTO IT because as you know from traveling this highway everyday, the merge is approaching. DON’T speed up and bypass all of the cars and cut in at the last minute because all this does is slow up the line for those people who were doing the right thing.
Unfortunately, we live in a very fast paced and impulsive society where actions like this have become the norm and the “good” (patient may be a better word) people don’t stand a chance at winning. All we are doing is allowing the cheaters to win, which again, we have become very desensitized too (i.e., corporations fudging income taxes, price gouging by gas companies, corrupt authority figures, athletes on steroids...you get the idea). Now, I’m not saying to play bumper cars before letting someone cut you (although I have been very close to doing so), but the point of this blog is not really directed to the “patient” people - this blog is intended for the habitual line cutters (and you know who you are): We are in just as much of a hurry as you are – be respectful of other people and stop taking advantage of other drivers.
Well, I feel a bit better after getting that out and maybe I’ll comment on another commuting nightmare (such as not using the acceleration ramp for just that….accelerating) tomorrow.
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