It has come to my attention that the absence of consistent posts within this blog has upset some of my loyal readers. As such I am going to make it my goal to increase posts and thus increase morale among cubicle and office workers worldwide. So make sure you save that revenue forecast you’ve been working on for weeks. Make sure your door is closed and free of intrusion. Make sure no one is peeking over your shoulder and get ready to delve into one my most passionate blog topics to date….
The embarrassment to society that is Costco!
Why do I refer to Costco as an “embarrassment to society”? Have you ever been there?! Actually, let me embellish. Have you ever been to this warehouse? Or how about this - have you ever rummaged through this overstuffed, excessive trough?
Stop. Stop right now. I don’t want to hear people stick up for Costco. I don’t buy it and nor should you. Literally and figuratively. Are there some good deals at Costco? Yes. Is it worth buying a bag of chicken for .10 cents, which can last you ‘til Labor Day ’09? Sure. Are you hosting a party for 700 people and need a 96oz bottle of Ketchup? If so, fine. I guess you can go to Costco. But you won’t see me there. That’s for damn sure.
Why wont you see me there? Well that could be for many reasons. I’ll break it all down for ya’ with some thoughts….
1) Maybe I am there but you can’t see me because my cart is the size of a Chevy Silverado.
2) I can’t shop at a place where the only thing bigger than the 400lb bag of dog food is the person loading it from pallet to cart.
3) The people who forage for food there resemble squirrels hoarding their winter stock just before first snowfall. Judging by their single-minded determination backed by a dogged devotion, it seems like this snowfall might closely resemble a nuclear winter.
4) One should never shop where you can find sofas, TV’s, ketchup, whiskey, T-bone steak and mattresses under the same roof.
5) …underwear, jewelry or garage doors. I mean seriously? SERIOUSLY!
6) As I read this, I realize Costco is one giant garage sale. That’s it actually. It’s a garage sale. Mr. Costco, whoever the billionaire is, had the brilliant idea to simply buy every single product he could. Package it in bulk so it looks like a great deal. Ship the food on pallets and store it in an airplane hangar. Open up the doors, give people membership cards so they feel special, feed them .50 cent rubber pizzas and watch the rats come!
7) Speaking of membership cards. This was always one of my biggest pet peeves. I’m sorry but no red-blooded American should have to pay a fee for the right to buy groceries…or mattresses, etc. If I want to buy ketchup I shouldn’t need to show ID at the front door.
To sum it up people, please just go to Shop-Rite, Kings, A&P or Foodtown and purchase normal sized goods. Use coupons, use price plus cards. If you truly want to save that extra few dollars, then scour the Sunday newspapers for great bargains. But don’t go to Costco. Don’t sacrifice all things decent and get lost in the feeding frenzy that is Costco.
Btw, Sam’s Club and BJ’s should be off limits as well.
Ok gotta run. My Costco turkey burger is burning on the grill! I may not go there, but that doesn’t mean my wife can’t…and every other member of my family!
5 comments:
It is uncanny how much you and I see eye to eye. You've put down in words what I have felt for years.
Well done and keep it coming.
Matt
i think i hate you
Great post! Go Shop Rite!
So what, Michelle has to do the grocery shopping? You sexist pig.
I completely understand despising a culture of overconsumption, but I probably would have highlighted Sam's Club for this kind of post. As far as a mass retailer goes Costco is pretty damn PHENOMENAL to their employees, where as sam's club is owned by walmart.
I love costco for it's business practices. I 99% of the time don't shop there.
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