I’m sure many of you out there have dogs. And as such I’m sure many of you out there have taken your dogs to dog parks. I find dog parks to be quite fascinating really. They
are like studies in Human Behavior under the guise of Canine Socialization.
You run into many different types of people at dog parks. Just as you do dogs. And its amazing how similar the dogs are to their owners.
Here are 10 of the many different types of people and their dogs you’ll see at the dog park…
1) The Entirely-Too-Talkative Owner and her Shih-Tzu
We all know this owner. Hell, some of you out there ARE this owner. For those of you guilty please take this advice and keep your family drama to yourself. We don’t know you from a hole in the wall so we personally don’t care if your cousin Sally doesn’t think dog parks are good for dogs. And while you’re at it could you please tell your dog to stop yapping cause it’d driving us insane.
2) The Reclusive Owner and his Shephard Mix
This owner is a little scary. You’re never quite sure what you’re gonna get. Are you gonna get the reclusive-artsy type who is simply quiet and probably too intelligent to be there in the first place. Or are you gonna get the reclusive-sociopath type who goes home and reads comic books and plots the world’s destruction via a game on xbox.
3) The Way-Too-Energetic Owner and her Jack Russell Terrier
This duo is the perfect pair. The girl usually in her late-30’s who adopted her Terrier for companionship. Most likely recently broke up with a longtime boyfriend…because of her energetic self and now goes to the dog park to expend energy just the same way we take dogs to the park. Not to socialize but to tire the damn things out. She’s usually the one that runs through the obstacles with the dogs. Bounding across the hurdles with a giant smile on her face as if the world were her oyster!
4) The I-Need-To-Exercise-More Owner and her Portuguese Water Dog
This one is ironic because the Portuguese Water Dog is full of energy and nonstop. I’ve noticed though that their owners tend to be the opposite. The best comparison is that the dogs are huge and the owners tend to be on the large side. Physical traits aside I’m not sure of any other similarity.
5) The Newlywed Owners and their Boxer
are like studies in Human Behavior under the guise of Canine Socialization.
You run into many different types of people at dog parks. Just as you do dogs. And its amazing how similar the dogs are to their owners.
Here are 10 of the many different types of people and their dogs you’ll see at the dog park…
1) The Entirely-Too-Talkative Owner and her Shih-Tzu
We all know this owner. Hell, some of you out there ARE this owner. For those of you guilty please take this advice and keep your family drama to yourself. We don’t know you from a hole in the wall so we personally don’t care if your cousin Sally doesn’t think dog parks are good for dogs. And while you’re at it could you please tell your dog to stop yapping cause it’d driving us insane.
2) The Reclusive Owner and his Shephard Mix
This owner is a little scary. You’re never quite sure what you’re gonna get. Are you gonna get the reclusive-artsy type who is simply quiet and probably too intelligent to be there in the first place. Or are you gonna get the reclusive-sociopath type who goes home and reads comic books and plots the world’s destruction via a game on xbox.
3) The Way-Too-Energetic Owner and her Jack Russell Terrier
This duo is the perfect pair. The girl usually in her late-30’s who adopted her Terrier for companionship. Most likely recently broke up with a longtime boyfriend…because of her energetic self and now goes to the dog park to expend energy just the same way we take dogs to the park. Not to socialize but to tire the damn things out. She’s usually the one that runs through the obstacles with the dogs. Bounding across the hurdles with a giant smile on her face as if the world were her oyster!
4) The I-Need-To-Exercise-More Owner and her Portuguese Water Dog
This one is ironic because the Portuguese Water Dog is full of energy and nonstop. I’ve noticed though that their owners tend to be the opposite. The best comparison is that the dogs are huge and the owners tend to be on the large side. Physical traits aside I’m not sure of any other similarity.5) The Newlywed Owners and their Boxer
You can’t go to a dog park and not see a Boxer or two or twelve. This combo usually presents itself as being the best combination of owner/dog there is. (Author’s Note: Aside from The Early-30’s-Couple-Who-Live-In-Caldwell-And-Likes-To-Write-A-Blog Owner and their Lab/Beagle Mix of course) The couple is usually quite friendly, normal and attentive to their dog which is something you can’t say about most other owners. (Note: Boxer is Tucker Mercurio)
6) The I-Do-The-Wallet-Chained-To-My-Jeans-Look Owner
6) The I-Do-The-Wallet-Chained-To-My-Jeans-Look Owner
and his Pit Bull/Lab Mix 
This guy is not all that much different than The Reclusive-Owner other than the fact that he doesn’t play video games when he gets home. Instead he reads books like “Das Kapital” and “Mein Kampf”
7) The I-Take-Myself-Way-Too-Serious Owner and his German Shephard
This guy almost always has a beard and is kind’ve intimidating. Just like his dog. They’ll usually just stand in the corner and observe in a very stoic and typical German way. Again, just like their dog. However their dog doesn’t sit back and observe. They get involved and mix it up all the while acting like they run the joint and its their territory. Other dogs don’t seem to mess with the German Shephards. They usually run around and play and act like things are normal yet they always have an eye on them. The German Shephard just gallops around with it’s head held high. Almost like its goosestepping now that I think about it. Interesting.
8) The First-Time-At-a-Dog-Park Owner and her Pug
Always a 24 year old girl. Almost definitely an elementary school teacher. Probably went to Rowan University and is now getting her Masters at Rutgers. Shy and nervous just like her dog. Constantly apologizing if her dog sniffs another’s butt.
9) The I-Have-Nothing-Better-To-Do-With-My-Time Owners and their (2) Golden Retrievers
This duo is really a foursome. 2 dogs and their 2 owners. Usually older people. Probably retired. Their dogs are usually too smart to play with all the rest of the dogs so they run off and play fetch and act privileged. They’re like the dogs that choose private prep-schools over public schools. It’s almost like they grew up in town but chose the Seton Hall Prep or Delbarton route and then came back to the local playground and don’t fit in…and are ok with that.
10) The I’m-Over-Compensating-For-Something Owner and his Doberman
Always a guy in his mid-30’s. Tall. Skinny. Glasses. Proud of his big bad Doberman. The dog is usually well behaved with other dogs but also most likely has the same thing in common with his owner – if you back them into a corner they’ll kill you. This guy definitely has a knife somewhere on him. Most likely trying to relive the days of his boy scout youth that he ultimately got kicked out’ve for starting fires. Back him into a corner and its entirely possible you’ll get cut. Back his dog into a corner and your dog is a goner.
Okay fine 11 different types…
11) The I’m-Gonna-Ignore-The-Fact-That-My-Dog-Is-Eating-Your-Dog Owner and his Bullmastiff
Big and burly. Barrel-chested. Hairy. Dominant. No I’m not talking about the dog. That’s the owner. His dog prey’s on the smaller dogs. Smaller dogs meaning Labs, Boxers and anything less than 150lbs. Bounces around with paws the size of catchers mitts swatting around unsuspecting puppies. The type of dog that if it were a wrestler he’d be the heavyweight who just bull rushes the opponent and knocks ‘em to the floor and just dominates. Soft and cuddly at home but a bull in a china shop at the park. Stay away. Or if you so desire contact the German Shephard and he’ll put it in its place.
This guy is not all that much different than The Reclusive-Owner other than the fact that he doesn’t play video games when he gets home. Instead he reads books like “Das Kapital” and “Mein Kampf”
7) The I-Take-Myself-Way-Too-Serious Owner and his German Shephard
This guy almost always has a beard and is kind’ve intimidating. Just like his dog. They’ll usually just stand in the corner and observe in a very stoic and typical German way. Again, just like their dog. However their dog doesn’t sit back and observe. They get involved and mix it up all the while acting like they run the joint and its their territory. Other dogs don’t seem to mess with the German Shephards. They usually run around and play and act like things are normal yet they always have an eye on them. The German Shephard just gallops around with it’s head held high. Almost like its goosestepping now that I think about it. Interesting.
8) The First-Time-At-a-Dog-Park Owner and her Pug
Always a 24 year old girl. Almost definitely an elementary school teacher. Probably went to Rowan University and is now getting her Masters at Rutgers. Shy and nervous just like her dog. Constantly apologizing if her dog sniffs another’s butt.
9) The I-Have-Nothing-Better-To-Do-With-My-Time Owners and their (2) Golden Retrievers
This duo is really a foursome. 2 dogs and their 2 owners. Usually older people. Probably retired. Their dogs are usually too smart to play with all the rest of the dogs so they run off and play fetch and act privileged. They’re like the dogs that choose private prep-schools over public schools. It’s almost like they grew up in town but chose the Seton Hall Prep or Delbarton route and then came back to the local playground and don’t fit in…and are ok with that.
10) The I’m-Over-Compensating-For-Something Owner and his Doberman
Always a guy in his mid-30’s. Tall. Skinny. Glasses. Proud of his big bad Doberman. The dog is usually well behaved with other dogs but also most likely has the same thing in common with his owner – if you back them into a corner they’ll kill you. This guy definitely has a knife somewhere on him. Most likely trying to relive the days of his boy scout youth that he ultimately got kicked out’ve for starting fires. Back him into a corner and its entirely possible you’ll get cut. Back his dog into a corner and your dog is a goner.
Okay fine 11 different types…
11) The I’m-Gonna-Ignore-The-Fact-That-My-Dog-Is-Eating-Your-Dog Owner and his Bullmastiff
Big and burly. Barrel-chested. Hairy. Dominant. No I’m not talking about the dog. That’s the owner. His dog prey’s on the smaller dogs. Smaller dogs meaning Labs, Boxers and anything less than 150lbs. Bounces around with paws the size of catchers mitts swatting around unsuspecting puppies. The type of dog that if it were a wrestler he’d be the heavyweight who just bull rushes the opponent and knocks ‘em to the floor and just dominates. Soft and cuddly at home but a bull in a china shop at the park. Stay away. Or if you so desire contact the German Shephard and he’ll put it in its place.
And let us not stop at 11. Odd numbers are for the birds anyway...
12) The Early-30’s-Couple-Who-Live-In-Caldwell-And-Likes-To-Write-A-Blog and their Lab/Beagle Mix
Usually the best looking couple there. The 11 other owners generally want to be just like these owners and wish the same for their dogs.
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