Day 5 – Letter of Concern

To Whom It May Concern,

We, as Your Body, are writing this letter to alert you of some recent transgressions.

There has been a drastic change in what we’re seeing coming down the chute of late and would like to know how long this troubling and easily digestible diet will continue. Not to be selfish but we, as Your Body, enjoy the painstakingly difficult task of breaking down processed foods and find it disconcerting that we are seeing less and less of it.

To site some examples: We recently witnessed the removal of all candy from the home. Was this intended or a simple lack of judgment? There has also been an alarming increase in foods such as: dates, raisins, apples and rice that our researchers have dubbed something called “soy”. Your guess is as good as ours on what that means. Also, it came to our attention and became an alarming topic of conversation down here when a broccoli shipment was received.

Don’t get us wrong though, we did enjoy the mashed potatoes which didn’t seem to jive with the current pattern of eating and also thoroughly enjoyed the Yuengling last night. We look at those as positives and hope to see more.

Another thing, waking us up at the crack of dawn to battle the elements and lift heavy objects and run is not something we particularly enjoy at this juncture. Have you not realized that most people aren’t on the roads that early? There’s a reason this facility you are going to is not that busy.

Again, this is just a warning notice and nothing to concern yourself with this at this point. We, as Your Body, want to make sure you’re still with us - the chocolate loving, processed-food and dairy enjoying man you are. Hopefully something drastic hasn’t happened.

We’d hate to lose ya’ to health, big guy.

With Concern,

Your Body

P.S.. There are bagels in your office today. What the hell are you waiting for??