Spare Us The Charity Crap

NOTE: HAVING BLOGGER FORMATTING ISSUES. I APOLOGIZE FOR THE EXTREME CASE OF DOUBLE SPACING. I'M NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT

Nowadays playing the lottery is becoming increasingly popular (just an observation) due to the gigantic sums of money at the ready. As such, I’ve begun to form quite an opinion of what one should do with said winnings when they do happen to be so lucky.

The most recent winners happen to be close to me both geographically as well as in a “6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon” manner…

The 7 fools who won, as we all know by now, reside in Albany, NY. A majestic city in and of itself worthy of such recognition by the national media. Ok lets be real for a second. There have been two good things to come out’ve Albany since the Dutch settled in the 16th century. One is The Crisafulli’s and their ubiquitous home construction empire and the other is The Dimoro’s who gave me my mother-in-law. Other than that Albany does very little for me.

Yes its all about me right now.

The one lucky 29-year old single-broad who won grew up with and is family friends with my wife’s childhood and longtime friend. Due to the fact I now consider myself friends with said friend I am now once removed from this lotto winner.

Millionaire-by-Association. Follow?

This brings me to my actual topic. Spare Us the Charity Crap Would Ya’!

I’m sick and tired of hearing lottery winners talk about all the good they’re gonna do with their newfound wealth.

“Oh I’m gonna start a foundation to help the poor!”

“I’d like to donate a million dollars to Save the Children!”

“I’m so blessed to have this opportunity. I wish to thank god and I plan on building a wing on the Church of the Blessed Mythology!”

I’m sorry but if the first thing you say or think of when you win 20 million dollars is who you plan on donating too than you need a serious reality check. I don’t wanna hear it. Us poor schmucks do not want to hear about you giving your money away to some charity.

I get it. You’re nice. Your’e genuine. You’re unselfish. You’re also a lier. And if you’re being for real about that being your first objective than you’re a moron.

How about this…

“I’d love to stay and chat but my family and I are going to Tahiti for 2 weeks!”

“My family is now debt free!”

“That classic car I’ve always wanted – check!”

“That shopping spree we always dreamed of having – yup. Headed there now!”

I mean lets be real people. Who are you kidding with your sanctimonious (not even sure what that word truly means but I think it works here) attitude. Get to the charity work after you have a little “me” time. Take care of your family and friends. By all means – give. But giving to charities should be after you give to yourself. So please – Spare us the charity crap would ya’!